Nekid Peoples

Monday, November 8, 2010

Campaign 2012: Updates and thoughts on 2010 Elections. A.K.A. The reclaimation of Ineptitude and Obstructionism in politics

So apparently last Tuesday's day of reckoning has helped America 'reclaim' our country. The following morning President 'Schlomo' Obama gave a news conference about how he hopes to work together with incoming republicans to move forward. He used the word 'together' alot. He's apparently forgotten how he has told the republicans to, and I'm paraphrasing here, 'Go fuck yourselves' for the last 18 months or so. Pushing through legislation that was both confusing and not well sold to the public. Any law requiring people to buy anything is unconstitutional at its very core, weather it be health insurance, car insurance, or twelve inch rubber dicks. The government has no right to tell us to purchase anything with the money we earn through working. While democrats speak of how the health care bill will help millions and republicans bitch and moan about how it will cost the tax payers money you don't hear any of them griping about the main issue. That the law will make Insurance companies billions. Why? Because you HAVE to buy insurance now. From them. The regulations in it are weak, complicated, and ultimately futile in their attempt to reign in the daily rape of the American public by the countries biggest offenders, the Insurance Conglomerates.

Here's my issue with Insurance Companies. You pay them a premium for financial help just in case something happens to you. When something does happen, that same company you've been paying money for years and years and asked for nothing in return... does every thing it can to not to live up to it's obligations to you. This is a given, there is no exception to this rule. Every Insurance company will try their best to fuck you out of the help they promised you in exchange for the money you've payed them over the years. When they do have to pay out they fight you tooth and nail. These crooked bastards have worked closely with the Health Care industry to drive costs up so high that you have to get insurance or you'll be turned away from a doctor unless you're bleeding out on their floor.. and even then they'll stop the bleeding and send you back out the door with a few bandaids and a pat on the back. This health care reform, in its current form and wording WON'T stop this practice. People can point out all the things it's SUPPOSED to do, but as it stands right now all this law requires is that people buy insurance come 2014, the wording in the law will allow insurance companies loopholes and ways out of paying. So all this law does now in it's current form is force people to spend money on something that won't work for them when it's needed.

Now, lets take a look at how this huge turn around election will effect you and me. Safe to say that it will change... nothing. Democrats and Republicans will spend the next two years finger pointing, bitching, calling each other names, and blaming each other for the problems this nation faces. All the while they'll be taking their obligatory payments from their sponsors in corporate America. Basicly think of it as walking down a dark alley at night. Suddenly hundreds of individuals jump out of the shadows, beat the crap out of you, steal your wallet, and bend you over the dumpster before running a train on you. All the while they're yelling and screaming at each other about how evil and wrong the other guys are for stealing your money and sodomizing you with random alley items... while they're stealing your money and sodomizing you with a bat. In short, my friends, I say to you fuck these guys. If you want real change, 2012 is the year to bring it about. I give to you all new Campaign goals and promises. On top of my old ones these shall help guide America back to an era of prosperity and... okay well maybe not prosperity but at least accountability. Let's get started.

1: The Brutalize your Representative/Senator Act.
All too often our politicians today promise to do something upon election and then once there, go completely the other way. I'm not talking about those that promise to try to pass legislation and then are unable to get that legislation through, if they try at least they're keeping their word. I'm talking about the ass clowns that promise to work together with opposing parties or other such nonsense then once they get to Washington they proceed to be the loudest, most obvious voice of discontent. So once elected I will introduce the Brutalize your Representative/Senator Act. This law will hold our elected officials to their word and campaign promises. If they don't stick to their word the people that voted them into office are invited, twice a year, to a public and open beating of said elected official. The official is shackled in a central area of the city, just like times of old and people can come by and throw shit at them, beat them with provided canes, or piss on them.. literally, as they have been figuratively pissing on you.

2: Campaign finance reform will pass.... or else.
I'll give Congress just one month to pass common sense laws that make the legalized bribery I.E. lobbying, illegal. As well as laws to keep corporations from buying elections and to level the playing field for everyone. Special interests will be excluded from elections at all costs. If they fail to abide by this demand I will bomb congress. How will I bomb congress? That's the easy part. I'll hold a lottery. We'll use the money to pay for the C4 explosive that we'll line every seat in congress and the senate with. The winning ticket will recieve the right to push the detonator during a random session of congress. Before we actually do push the button though we'll have several 'walk throughs' just to scare the shit out of them and perhaps see if they actually get some god damned work done rather than pointing fingers and calling names. See, I'm good with motivating others.

3: National Beat a Pundit Day.
Who hasn't wanted to smash Glenn Beck in the face with a shovel or feed Sarah Palin a steel toe boot to the grill? Maybe string Stewart up by that smarmy grin of his? Sodomize the entire cast of MSNBC with a nine iron? I dare say most of have wanted to do at least one. Well I give to you National Beat a Pundit Day. Every year on the first monday of every November we'll pull a random television or radio pundit's name out of a big fucking hat. Once again we'll hold a lottery before hand and the winning ticket will get to brutally beat down the pundit who's name has been chosen. All proceeds go to the national debt.

4: I will impregnate Jessica Alba, the old fashioned way mind you!
Come on. Like you wouldn't?

5: Pot will be legalized.
I will however make it illegal for Corporate America to sell it. This way people get their weed and will be far, far too high to pay attention when I bomb congress and give the military and police forces around the country a huge payraise, then declare myself Emperor. I promise to wear the dark robes and figure out how to do that lightning shooting thingie that we all think just rocks. After declaring myself Emperor I will have Vice-President Christopher Bush dipped in a lake of lava and then secured in black plastic armor with a really loud respirator attached. Why? Because he can take it and as we all know chicks dig scars.

6: Oliver Stone will be banned from making any more movies.
Seriously dude, just stop already.

And now for a list of campaign promises I won't keep, as we all know every politician has to have one. So here's a quick list:

1: I'll balance the budget.
2: I'll give everyone a tax break.
3: I will personally rob every rich person in America and give back to the poor like Robin Hood.
4: I will not declare myself Emperor.
5: I will not abuse my position in any way!

Remember folks, 2012, the year of the Naked One!

1 comment:

  1. A few vice presidential addendum's:

    Prisons will be eliminated. Petty crimes and thievery will be replaced will televised lashings with a cat o nine tails-it's much cheaper and more entertaining for me. Major crimes like rape, murder and greenlighting another Lady Gaga album will be punished by participating in pay per view death matches.

    NFA Acts will be nullified, with import restrictions and prohibitively high cost were all seemingly designed to make it impossible for poor people to get machine guns. Um, hello America? Where would you rather have a machine gun-Park Avenue, or Compton?

    All presidential and high level political sex scandals must be televised, rather than inferred, conflated, promoted 24/7 by irresponsible cable news organizations, denied, lied about, investigated, and eventually forgotten by a public who only cares about politics when someone's dick is out. Frankly, if it ain't on tv, no one should believe that shit, and we should actually cover issues that matter.

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