Nekid Peoples

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Campaign 2012 Update: Dealing with the idiots.

As we discussed in my last post, the idiots have ruined everything. Politics have been taken to a whole new, and frightening level. Calling for revolution and placing crosshairs on people are just two examples of how things have gotten out of hand. Everyone is 'Hitler'. It was Bush for eight years and now its Obama. While I was not a fan of Bush and I loathe Obama neither of them are close to being Hitler. Don't believe me? Ask any jew you come across on the street. I imagine that would be a rather short conversation ending with a nice jewish person flipping you the bird and possibly kicking you in the balls.

So how will I, your Presidential choice of 2012 deal with this growing atmosphere of fear, hate, violence, and terror. Yes, terror. As I stated in my last post this country's airwaves are full of the new breed of american terrorists..... political pundits. They spout hate, fear, and lies all in an attempt to whip up their dipshit followers into an idiot frenzy of biblical proportions. They call for revoloution, without even knowing what that even means. To them its all just rhetoric. Well my friends. I'll deal with it by being even MORE terrifying than those that would stop us. Fear? Pah! Terror? Pah! Violence? PAH!!

**Warning the following statements are made in a non-serious and completely comical manner. They are in no way a declaration of attack upon Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, President Obama, your mother, or your sister... you know the one with the hot ass. The author of this blog pleads with any potential idiot that might read this satire blog and get it in their head to go out and start a revolution with their buddies to just stop, shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly. The author of this blog does not condone violence done in his name on anyone.... except for the producers of the next Lil Wayne album.. they must be stopped!!**

***Warning the last statement about Lil Wayne's producers was a joke.***

So how will I stand up to the eventual calls of me being just like Hitler? You know its going to happen as it seems to be the basic first attack in any political debate. Funny how they go from 'He smoked pot' in the 90's to 'He's Hitler!' today. Well that's the easy part. Every person I hire to work on my campaign staff other than those running for office with me, such as my vice president, chief of staff, etc.... will be jewish. I'll start with my staff doctor. One Tyler Andrea. He's not through with school yet so technically he's not a full fledged doctor but I'm sure he'd be cool under a hail of bullets, probably quipping about how I should have let him carry a side arm, but he's a doctor damnit no guns for him! I also have full faith in Tyler's ability to fix any wound, no matter how dire with his extensive knowledge of duct tape and crazy glue. Add to that he always seems to have a cooler on hand with human organs in it, odd for day to day practice, but practical for being my doctor as you never know when I'll need that extra kidney or maybe that extra four inches in the pants I've been asking Santa for every year since I was fourteen. Fucker. Though I have to admit I'm not sure if Tyler is still jewish. I know he started going to temple when he was a teenager because there was a chick there he wanted to bang. Meh. Good enough for me!

After that I'll head to the Glen Beck show to verbally (and quite possibly physically) castrate him in front of his audience of morons. How will I do that? Well I'll ask Mr. Beck to come up with one piece of evidence that ISN'T circumstantial or made up to back up his claims that I am, in fact, the anti-christ. Since I beat their Hitler rap with hiring my jewish friends and marrying a jewish princess their next step will be that I'm the son of Satan. What? No jewish princess? Well fine. I will inform Beck that my father's name is Clint so obviously I can't be the anti-christ. Satan's real name is Lucifer Morningstar and seeing as how my last name isn't Morningstar (I legally changed it after turning eighteen) there's no possible way I'm the anti-christ. I will then proceed to challenge Mr. Beck to a good ol' fashioned dick measuring contest and thanks to Tyler and that extra four inches I'm sure he can hook me up with I devastate Beck by winning five inches to three.

To deal with the crazies that will surely be out for my blood, after all by this point I'll have been accused of being the love child of Hitler and the anti-christ. I will hire crack security. Crackhead security to be more precise. No I don't mean crack addled homeless people, though I had thought about it. I mean the Crazy Crackheads, a militia group that operates under the motto of 'Guns and Sodomy' and that are in fact led by my Vice Presidential running mate Christopher 'Your mom loves my cock' Bush. Getting anywhere near either of us with a firearm with the Crackheads on the look out would be not only impossible but very funny to watch. After all the 'sodomy' part of their creed isn't usually voluntary. As a generous candidate I would sell all 'incidents' on pay-per-view and donate all the money to paying down the national debt.

At some point in all this Sarah Palin would pull her head out of her own ass long enough to spout off about me not caring about the American people and that I was only out to create my own tyrannical rule of corruption and evil. To prove her wrong I will open a new charity. 'Naked Ninja's Home for Hot Un-Wed Mothers'. I'll make sure to open one shelter in every major metropolitan area across the country that I plan on passing through on my campaign to the White House. After that I will personally travel to Alaska, invite Palin out on a camping trip where Christopher and I will 'spitroast' her. No I'm not talking about cooking her over an open fire. Two men, one woman... spitroast... think about it. What? She might be annoying but a fine looking older woman like that has to know some tricks! Don't look at me like that.

Onward!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Insurrectionism, The Gun Debate, Politics and How Idiots Fuck It All Up

While I'm often the first person I know to scream 'Fuck the Government' at the top of my lungs from the highest rooftop I can find. The events this weekend in Arizona to be disheartening. And while they disgust me I don't find them too surprising. Now before you get upset hear me out. I find it horrible that some asshole decided to go out and gun down innocent people. It angers me. As a Marine, as a citizen, as a father, and as a human being. It makes me sick to the very core of my being. But it doesn't surprise me. Now let me tell you why.

People, on a general basis not you my faithful reader, are complete morons. They're sheep. They have no original thought of their own. In short. They're idiots. Idiots empower people that speak to their limited thoughts. It's long been a theory that the election of America's first black President coupled with a strong liberal congress would produce the perfect atmosphere for the extreme right wing to start a radicalization of America. That's a powerful word. Radicalize. We call terrorists radical Muslims because they're an offshoot that doesn't represent the true religion. They're whackjobs that use it to support their own agendas of murder and terror. I say to you now these extreme right wing players are no better. They are American Terrorists.

Who, you ask, could possibly be put into that same category? Let's start with the obvious. Sarah 'Moose Fucker' Palin. Remember when she put out that 'cute' little map of districts across America that she thought should be 'targets' to take out the incumbent? Well one of those districts just happened to be Rep. Giffords's district. And how did she mark those? With a crosshair as if looking through a gun scope. Rep. Giffords even spoke about how things like that could be taken wrong by people with 'issues'. It's terrible that she turned out to be right. Sarah Palin should be held accountable for this. She won't be. But she should. You simply can't put something out there like that and not expect some idiot to take it literally. Symbolism is lost on this country and it's people. Idiots take things literally because they're too fucking stupid to tell when someone is being ironic, joking, or symbolic. Sarah Palin, shame on you. I place these deaths at least partially on your shoulders you pathetic excuse for a human being. Go fuck yourself and please stay the fuck off my television and radio. Before you condemn people for 'letting the terrorists win' look in the damned mirror, you ARE a terrorist.

Next up let's look at Glen Beck, a man who wouldn't know the truth if it came up and sodomized him. This guy is a bigger liar than Palin and far worse in my book. At least Palin just simply doesn't know any better because I seriously think she may be mentally retarded even though I think that's an insult to the good people with mental disabilities out there. Beck doesn't care what he's saying as long as it's slung out there to his faithful listeners that, to the person, are fucking idiots. Beck lies. Constantly. He knows he lies. He doesn't care. He's whipped up more idiots in this country than anyone else. Beck is little more than a racist fuck stain with a radio and television deal. Glen Beck is a terrorist in the purest sense of the word.

Now I know you're thinking, well don't terrorists bomb things and kill people? True. But not all of them do. Look at Bin Laden, the most wanted terrorist on the face of the planet and I can guarantee you he's never taken a life. Why? Because killing people is dangerous. They tend to fight back because normal people don't want to die. So Bin Laden whips all his followers, who themselves have little education and are complete idiots, into a killing frenzy and then THEY go out and do the dirty work. Not him. See the similarities here? Fuck Beck. Fuck Palin. Fuck Fox 'News'. Extremism has no place in this country and doing the bullshit these people do is nothing short of criminal.

That brings us to the gun debate. Do I hate guns? Yes. Yes I do. But how can I say that as a Marine? Because I've seen what idiots with guns can do to innocent people. Guns in the hands of idiots is a bad thing. The gun laws in this country are a joke. Anyone anywhere can get a gun anytime they want. And as we've all seen too many times the idiots are more than willing to use them for senseless violence. Do I believe guns should be outlawed. In a perfect world, yes. This however is far from a perfect world. Criminals will always be armed. The idiots of the world will always find a way to get their hands on guns. So it makes sense to me that those of us that are not criminals or idiots should be able to arm ourselves for the eventual encounter of some asshole with a gun. The saddest part about this is that idiots will always rise up to use their guns as a first response to anything they see as a threat. What do they see as a threat? Why.. whatever they're told is a threat. And let's make sure to mark those threats with a crosshair on a website because no idiot would actually really think you mean shoot this person with a gun... like with crosshairs and everything.

I consider myself a bit of a survivalist. I learned skills in the Marines to keep me and those around me alive. Of course I'd be a bit rusty but you can bet my fat ass would remember real quick if I needed to. Yes I teach others combat skills from time to time. Yes I train others in military tactics from time to time. Does that make me a 'militia nut'? No. I have no intention of rising up against the government. I don't believe that's what the Second Amendment stands for, no matter what those ass hats in the NRA tell you. If the government is not doing what I like. Then I voice my opinion and... I ... VOTE!! People that don't vote have no right to bitch about things in this country. The problem is the loudest voices out there are from the people that don't vote. But they sure can bitch. If you didn't vote and you want to bitch about the government, do us all favor, go shove someone's 'love sock' in your mouth and let the adults have grown up time? Okay? Thanks.

Politics by their nature lately are very nasty. They don't need to be like that. We don't need the Palins and Becks of this world out there spreading their bullshit and whipping up the idiots in this country. And don't get me wrong, the left has it's extremists too. They're just on the opposite side of the scale. Wanting everyone to hug it out and singing peace songs at anti-war rallies and protesting the burials of those that died in service to this country. They're beneath my contempt and even mentioning them makes me feel like I need to go take a giant runny shit. The ideals of both parties out there have some things right and some things wrong. So stop listening to just one side. Both have constructive ideas to add to the national scene. They both also have an abundance of stupid shit they want to put out there. It's up to the American people to make sure that they get it right. Too much of either side is bad. The saying 'happy middle ground' isn't just for giggles. The middle is where most people fall. The problem is all the idiots bunch to the extreme right or left and their voices are the loudest because the rest of us... well as Jon Stewart said once, We got shit to do.

In closing let me just say if you know an idiot (and we all do) make sure to shut them up when they start spouting off about rising up against the government or how we should disband the military and 'live in peace maaaaaaaaaannn'. Tell them to stop masturbating furiously to that new gun magazine they got or for the love of Christ put the pot pipe down for just one second of the day and try to think straight. Remember my friends, everything in moderation. That's a good way to live your life. Too much of anything is usually a bad thing. And let's remember to show those that spout off about tyranny and evil that they're everything they accuse others of being. Not with violence and rebellion but with well thought out points and ideas. You can't fight the stupid, but we might be able to educate them a bit. And if we can't well most of them are too stupid to know where a voting station is.. or even WHAT a voting station is.

Be safe and Gods bless.